Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
