your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
