...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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