and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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