i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
