There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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