Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
