Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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