if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
