we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
