You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
