I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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