Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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