there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
