His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
