Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
