you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
