My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
