I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
