Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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