guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
