what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
