i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
