Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
