The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
