if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Come share oat with me in your robe
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
