Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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