Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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