Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
