are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Panties = found
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