five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
