The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
