Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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