The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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