those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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