Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
smell my finger.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
