I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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