now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
