If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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