Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
