You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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