I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
