dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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