i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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