we have pet lesbian snakes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
