So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
