I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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