Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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