I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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