omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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