Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
